Being sarcastic

I want to write something funny today...yeah i created this blog for this purpose only!!
But what should i write?
May be a joke on politician...but which party?
If i write against BJP I will be given a free travel advisory to a country where our PM always visits, but wait!! theres not even a single country which our PM has not yet visited... or is there any? So many rapes, farmer suicides etc are happening but the major focus of our govt is BEEF... you can get away with rape or corruption but you cant away from having BEEF at your home... atleast animal welfare department is working over-time.. I mean atleast someone is working in this current government...

If I write against AAP I will be labelled as corrupt or Bhakt... but I forgot AAP is a different party, different in a sense that its ministers work differently in closed doors with cameras on...please dont get it dirty, I am talking about Policy making, not about ration cards only!!

If I write against Congress, but what should I write about them..even their beds are stolen in a rally...their leader sleeps in Parliament and talks on Khaat (bed).....anyways congress is itself a joke!!! A party which has become an ancestor property of Gandhis which actually are not ancestors of Mahatma Gandhi... it seems only freedom fighters of our Nation was this Nehru ji... yes, we should acknowledge his contribution but why this 5 star treatment to undeserving ancestors of Nehru.. where are the deserving ancestors of other great freedom fighters? May be Congressmen havent read whole history book.. they limited their knowledge to Nehru ji only....

We elect these people.. I wonder on whom this joke is!!! but even we have limited choices... people like me and you are not in politics..may be thats why :)

Now let me talk about international politics...Trump..no!! Syria..no!! ISIS..no!!!

Let me talk about my boss then!! No way... why would I risk my job... yes i can write about my previous boss though.. not risky enough... he hardly reads anything written by me.. he didnt even read my resignation properly...

Let me talk about girls... the difference between girls and boys.. i know a lot has been written about it... but I will talk in detail in my next blog.. so from now on we have an agreement.... I am going to write some witty stuff and will try to improve on my sense of humour... and do away with the sense of horror which I had been following till now....

Follow this blog for more....

Our obsession with bhai

First of all I want to admit in shame that I am not a bhai fan... I know its like of crime in India but trust me I have my senses intact.. So our national issues revolve around bhai...
Bhai fought with another super star and the whole media and their fans went berserk... the country was soon divided into two groups Salmanics and SRKians ... it was kind of war situation between them... They might not have food to eat or job to survive but say anything against Salman and they would go mad. Like for sane people there are congress and bjp; for other people there were Salmanics and SRKians...
Baba Siddiqi made them hug each other..Gosh! this man deserves the noble peace prize... he solved the major crisis of this nation...
In 2002 someone drunk and drove and killed and injured people. Bhai was accused... all his fans were mourning.. suddenly High Court today after 13 years found him not guilty and Bhai fans are at it again. They are celebrating as if their God has seen another life and that too on the human rights day.

But question still rings in my mind that who killed that person...our system?

Here are some of the logics of being Salman obsessed:
1. He is running his company.. ok sorry NGO being Human... it seems he is the only person in this whole world doing some charity. And yes not all the money goes to charity or is it? Leave it anyway Bhai has a huge heart...

2. He supports the talent..yah Sooraj Panchooli who even before entering the bollywood started copying the footsteps of bhai.. na he even surpassed him... I just read a report of the charges which CBI has framed against him and it shook me....but yeah if bhai is supporting him..he is innocent...

3. He is a great actor.... please I can bear any quality of bhai but save me from it...I once had a nightmare that someone punished me by locking me in theatre where is movie was playing...trust me I couldnt sleep the next night... spare me the horrors.. Ok I have to admit that I liked two of his movies Dabang and Bajrangi Bhaijaan....and I have seen them only in parts because I just cant bear him for long...

4. Bhai is handsome...so is Rahul Gandhi...ok fine... both are there because of their forefathers and both are celebrated till they open their mouth...even my office peon seems to have better looks.. look I am not gay but yeah I just want to draw your attention towards the criteria of being a good looking for being famous..I know Bhai obsessed fans wont find a logic in it... leave it, logic and Bhai never go together.. they are poles apart...


Few days back I read a news about Bhai slapping his fan who was taking his picture. Yah being a bhai fan is a crime itself...There were news of him fighting with n number of actors and actresses.. I cant recollect their names.. bad memory I guess....
He drinks a lot they say.. so what.. everyone drinks...what if he is a role model for so called large population.
Bhai is a legend...!!!!!

The top courts of India- Beware of them

Nearly 3 crore cases are pending in India..but none in Media Courts....
They start with the judgement and try to link the chain of evidences to make someone guilty who has still not been proven guilty by the courts in India.
The recent case of feud comes into my mind where an accused was made guilty without even listening to his side of story or the case of Rohtak girls....
There is a large panel of people sitting there and one of them is made the punching bag. The anchor accuses him as if he is not only guilty of the issue that is being discussed but also of the personal problems of the anchor as well.
So, when you see that the life is tough then imagine yourself to be the person sitting over there trying to defend an issue which is not even related to you. You will be thinking of stating yourself and by then the show would have ended and you are pitting yourself as the most cruel person of the world.

There was a huge tolerance and intolerance debate going on. Yah, we are a tolerant country, look we are tolerating so many 24*7 News channels who are themselves confused as to what news they should create, I mean what news they should give.
Sometimes aliens are only visible to these news channels. Their so called aliens even take the cows with them. I think even the aliens ran away after hearing some of the anchors speak so loudly. No dear aliens, these people dont represent the actual human species. Please leave those cows and take these unique human species. Cows are more important for us, ask any of our Politicians!!!

Nepal has banned Indian media there. Lucky Nepalese!! they know they can survive the earthquake or the internal conflict relating to constitution but surviving from our media is the most difficult thing in the world.
As per I&B Ministry reports in 2014, there are around 392 news channels in India and many of these news channels are owned by Politicians and business houses. So, you can judge the level of media trials from them.

Sometimes when I am getting bored I switch on the news channels. Their debates are much more hilarious then some of our top rated comedy shows. Just look at the expressions of the people sitting in the panel. They must be wondering "how come I am here? Why my party has to make me their spokesperson? What crime have I actually done?"
"You, you Mr...you are answerable to this country", the anchor pointing his finger shouting at one of the panelists..
"I just want to say that kindly correct your information. I....." damn, he couldnt even complete the whole sentence but he just put his feet on the dog's tail.
The anchor just gone beserk. He took on his ego when a party spokesperson just completed a whole sentence and what more, that person asked the anchor to correct his information.
The expressions of anchor became more agnostic then those of Ajay Devgan when he says "Atta Manjhi Satakli"....any role for anchor in Singham-3??? Ok fine leave it.. Singham is less violent....

Even Sunny Deol must be wondering "thats why my action hero image, blemished". These people give more expressions in half hour show which includes 20 minutes of advertisements than some of our Super stars have given in their whole filmy career.
Sometimes I feel as if these are the people who failed as actors and now trying to prove their acting skills to the world.
Its not that every anchor does this way. Some of anchors like Ravish Kumar actually make sense. He allows everyone to speak and first and foremost he discusses the topic in detail before opening up the debate. You actually get to learn about the topic but such anchors are rare breed.
With ever increasing news channels there is competition of declining common sense.

People watch news to get informed and not to get frustrated by these useless debates which are as vague as the story of Prem Ratan Dhan Pao.. ok fine the later may have some sense.

Its my request to all the news channels that stop being the courts, We want news and not your personal frustration coming out.

Incredible India

What if Rickshaw Pullers and vendors are made directors of companies? And yes they are actually paid for it...What if Adhar Card is issued in the name of Mahtama Gandhi? I thought issuing pension in the name of the dead people was the worst that could happen but Welcome to Incredible India where amid the debate of tolerance and intolerance, a news got very smartly hidden..

A scam involving Rs. 6,172 crores..yah you read that right....6,172 crores also called "Banking-Hawala Scam". The scam involved businessmen and officials of Bank of Baroda.

"A news report published by the Times of India on Monday said that the businessmen and bank officials allegedly paid Rs 10,000 per month to these economically backward people for using their voter ID cards to create current account in the name of fictitious companies"
Who said India is poor? Look even Vendors can become directors of companies, so why is Mr. Modi thumping his back about him being a tea-vendor. This is the first major scam under this government which didnt see much light of the day as our 24*7 news channels had more important news to show about what Aamir and Sharukh said.
Wonder why wasnt I made a director? 
A country where a scam of such large amount surfaces is busy in debating about what statement is tolerant and intolerant...

Even opposition seems to be quiet on this as only thing that bothers them right now is the tolerance debate which is the first topic to be discussed in the winter session of the Parliament.

"The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) conducted searches at 50 locations following the alleged illegal transfer of more than Rs 6,000 crore to Hong Kong in the garb of payments toward possibly non-existent imports. The money was transferred by 59 companies through newly opened current accounts at Bank of Baroda's Ashok Vihar branch in New Delhi." says economic times

Tea-vendor became a PM, 9th fail became a deputy CM, fake degree case against Education Minister and now vendors becoming directors of companies. Ok no-issues with a tea-vendor becoming a PM, it all depends on the caliber of an individual but why do they demand graduation for becoming a peon?

Does peon has to do something more special than what our ministers have to do? Even Phd degree holders applied for the post of peon in UP...

What about the highly qualified IAS officers reporting to these leaders? What they must be thinking after working so hard to crack one of the toughest exams of India?

"Agle janam mohe anpadd hi kijjo...."

Wonder if Winston Churchill was right about India...

Is the statement of Aamir Khan wanting to leave India more important than Rs.6,172 crores being symphoned out of India?

But yes this is the beauty of our Incredible India.. we know what is more important... Aamir and Sharukh off- course.....

The amount of money which is being sent outside India can be used to solve the minor problems like poverty, unemployment or inflation but leave it, our Gods will solve them. lets just debate on this tolerance issue... this has to be dealt with on an urgent basis...

So enjoy the show... this is what makes my country so incredible....

The great Indian Culture of love

It was nice to see youth try out the basic Indian Culture called Kamasutra in a Central Park at Cannuaght Place just beside Indian Flag. So proud I felt when I first visited this place not knowing about this place as being the saviour of age old Indian Culture.
I hate moral policing but these people should have their own morals to know that they are not paying any respect to Indian Flag by practicing this Sutra in front of foreign visitors who come to India after hearing about its rich heritage and culture. I wonder what they must be thinking. Even the writer of Kamasutra "Vatsyana" must be cursing himself for giving India this creation. Look we are 130 crores and counting, practicing his teachings, only teachings that we have taken seriously. Forget about Gandhi, Bhagat Singh, Vivekananda but Vatsayana rocks.....ok fine people dont even know his name but follow his practices for sure...

Our love birds often write their names on rich heritages with stones. A foreigner asked a guide "why are so many love stories engraved on walls in India?". No no my foreigner friends.. "Pappu loves Reshma" or "Raju loves Lovely"with a shape of heart in between are not renowned love stories.

But desi love stories are found in every corner and every heart of Indian people. "Vicky loves Rinky" but "Rinky loves Ricky" and "Ricky loves Sweety"... so many complicated love stories but one thing is for sure that they will marry on where there horoscopes match...so Indian you see.... 

Indian love stories start from heart and end with horoscopes and religions... I wonder who sees the caste, religion or age of a person while loving. You dont carry your complete bio-data and apply for a post of lover.

Imagine this "Hi, I am Raju. I am hereby applying for the post of boy friend in your life. Here is my complete bio-data along with my career objectives"... 

We love to complicate things, we can destroy lives of people but we cant destroy age old customs and traditions. We are so much concerned with what people would say that we are quietly climbing the charts for being the most populous country in the world.

You love someone, you feel compatible about it, to hell with your caste, religion, age... just marry that person. Its your life. you gotta live not this society....

Self proclaimed saviors of Indian culture find it western in celebrating Valentines Day... yah we believe in spreading love each day... look at our population...

Then there are Khaps... you know these people have their own laws for punishing the culprits who marry in the same caste... be it prading a girl nude in the whole village or gang raping her in the pretext of punishment.. some even burn them alive... so Indian I tell you... yah we celebrate Navratras too... our tribute to the women from whose womb we came...This is the real hypocrisy of Indian society hidden in the veils of Indian Culture....

Sorry, babaji got serious for few lines.... but dont you agree with this? Respect for this country is of foremost importance, this is our real identity "Indian"....but dont allow your hypocrisy to hide behind the great Indian Culture.. dont disgrace its purity....

What India wants?

As soon as I opened my twitter account today, first thing I read was "India wants Ram Mandir" as the top trending item...
The question came in Babaji's mind "What India actually wants?"
1. We are running a race for being the most populated and polluted country of the world. Rather sooner than later we will achieve that and the way Indian people are having their say in the Politics of other countries and the way our PM is turning into a global PM, the world will belong to us.
"Vasudev Katumbkam" one of the things we believe in. Our PM is actually showing us that there are far more countries in the world than the average Indian might have heard. So kind of him, I tell you.
So India wants our PM to stay in India for few days at least "Kuch dinn toh Gujaariye apne desh mai" should be the tag line for our PM. Our PM is turning into "Pardesi Minister" rather than "Prime Minister".

2. Nepal has banned Indian Media. Nepal is a smaller country than us but look they are much more smart than us. Major problems of India will be solved if most of the 24*7 news channels start to make sense. You cant go with your Mics on the funeral of someone and ask their loved ones "How are you feeling?" What reply do you expect "Yah I am feeling elated that he died. Look even he had dream of dying. I am happy that his dream has finally been fulfilled.". Our news channels are the only courts in the world who give verdict first and then justify it with meaningless debates. There is huge pannel sitting in their debates and hardly anyone is allowed to speak. Hats off to the courage of people who actually go to these debates. So India wants control over these 24*7 news channels.

3. We believe in bans. Yesterday Mr. Chitambram admitted that it was wrong on the part of their Govt. (Congress) to ban Salman Rusdie's book 27 years ago. Yah, you read it right...27 years!!!. So it took them 27 years to realize that something which was banned shouldnot have been banned. So meaningful I tell you. We ban everything that we believe exists, it may be some Movie, Book or anything. A day will come when after having nothing to ban, we will ban this ban. But why cant we ban the mouths of leaders who give shameful statements like "Hindus should have so many children n all" or other pathetic statements? Again I would say it is because we believe that out leaders are doing something which is free and that do without any corruption, so why should it be banned?

Babaji will continue to give more Gyaan on what India wants. Kindly keep logging to this space for more... till then enjoy your time; stay happy; stay blessed.....

Babaji's guide to get free travel advice

Babaji is very sad today...No one wants him to leave India...
Our Politicians act as more of a travel agent or I should say travel advisers... "Go to Pakistan".."Leave India"....
But if Indian team has to play series against Pakistan then it wont be in Pakistan....
Just make a statement and our Politicians will give free travel advice.... so TOLERANT i tell you....

What if our Politicians open a travel agency?
Na!! you need to be qualified for that... running a country is much more easier...
Ok.. I respect every Politician,,, but wait some of them have corruption charges,, some are uneducated..in short they are not even fit to be appointed as the peons... Ok I respect some of them... done... I have nothing to say against them... but rest of them can go to Pakistan... wait!! even Babaji is turning into a travel guide... ok fine let them go wherever they want to, or stay here only...

But why do our Politicians get angry on some statements and need to give a travel advice?
First of all giving advice is the birth right of every Indian. We give advice even when not asked about. It doesnt require any qualification or experience or mind. Just say what you want to, words are still not free, no Swatch Bharat Cess on them too... I wonder if Swatch Bharat Cess is levied on words then our country would become Swatch and tolerant for sure...
We should be thankful to the Politicians who give travel advice, atleast they are doing something for free or atleast they are doing something which doesnt involve corruption or atleast they are doing something...

But why Pakistan?
We all know that many of our ancestors traveled from Pakistan to India. So, may be Politicians are try to relocate them. And Pakistan is sending terrorists to India. Look some of our Politicians are giving only travel advice but Pakistani Politicians are already running travel agency. They train people to run havoc in our country, spoil everything and enjoy the first class treatment for years in the name of trial like Kasam or Manon did...its kind of retirement plan. So caring of their citizens, this Pakistan govt, I tell you....

So lets be thankful and TOLERANT towards our Politicians who give free travel advice...but they should give other options too... Pakistan alone wont do.....
So if you wish to know about your travel plans just make a statement. But first and foremost, that statement should not make any sense. You will then get travel advice from some of our Politicians which will even be more absurd than your statement. The general public will only have one question to think about "Who is the bigger idiot?" The person making the statement or one giving the travel advice?
Till then enjoy the debate on 24*7 news channel who have nothing much to do but to latch on these kind of statements; conduct meaningless debates and draw conclusions which will even give shame to the intelligence of people praising Prem ratan dhan paayo...